Camille II
by kryten 2x4b 523p
Summary: The story of Camille, reunited with Kryten. But what dangers may threaten their new relationship?
1. Loss of Hector

Well hello everybody. This is my very first fanfic so please review. In case you hadn't worked out, I an obsessed with Red Dwarf and of course, Kryten. I have read over 16 pages of the fanfictions here, and no-one has said that they are a Kryten fan, it was always Lister and Rimmer.

Disclaimer: I do not own Red Dwarf, it belongs to Grant Naylor productions. If I owned it, I would tell you, but I can only dream of Kryten. The only thng that is mine, is the plot, so bear with me.

Camille II

Camille sat in the cockpit, nervous yet excited. She always felt this way when Hector was coming. It was natural of course; they were in love. She would fiddle with biros and rulers and other such things while she waited. It was the only thing she could do to stop herself from laughing out loud. She loved being high on euphoria; she had never felt love so strong. But yet there was a voice in the back of her head. A voice that reminded her of a memory, a memory of love. With someone else. They had been together not even a day and yet, she still thought of him. _He _was a very fond memory, she had wanted to stay with him, but he had insisted she go with Hector. He said that she would regret it if she didn't, but the only thing she regretted was leaving him in the first place. But still, Hector was her greatest love, just looking at him made her forget about Kryten and she would relax again. That wasn't to say that she wanted to forget him, definitely not. But sometimes, forgetting is the easiest way to lose the pain that was being so far away from him.

She smiled as she remembered all the fond memories she had had with Hector. She loved him more than anything in the world; at least she thought she did. She didn't know what to make of Kryten, she honestly didn't know if she loved him more than Hector. It was so close; making a decision was next to impossible. So she just forgot it and let herself relax in the arms of Hector.

Every time she looked up she saw him, then she blushed and had to look away. She couldn't help herself; he was just so wonderful. He was such a kind, gentle person. He had done so much for her, risked his life many times, he had devoted all his time to find their cure. They shared the dream of becoming human. That was the trouble; pleasure GELF's were infertile. They wanted children so much, just to have another person to share their joy, to give their love to. Someone they could teach all their knowledge to. This was why they wanted to be human, this way they wouldn't have the curse of living so long. They knew in their hearts that they would find a way, no matter the cost. If they ever did, they could be together, forever, as long as they lived. If only they could see their futures then they would know that they would have to pay the ultimate price for becoming a human; it would cost a life.

He rose to his feet and went to make lunch. He loved to cook, they both did. They liked it so much that it was hard to share, so they just took it in turns. This didn't always work, because Hector would sneak in and turn off the pan, or hide the tongs, just to annoy her. But they laughed after it. They never got angry. Over one lunch, she asked why he was so good at cooking. He simply replied, 'I cook with love. Not just with my passion for cooking, but with my passion for you. You make the world a sweeter and brighter place. I could never live in a world without you, because without you, even the sweetest candy tastes sour. You are my lollipop.' She said, 'You're crazy!' He just replied, 'I'm crazy like you, Lollipop', he then leaned over and licked her, where she then screamed and gave him a sharp slap in the face, catching him by surprise and leaving him face first on the floor. They still laughed about it and continued about their lives.

After lunch, they would go into the cockpit and look out into space, ever hopeful that they would find the technology to make them human. There had been one time when Camille had gone into the cockpit, to find all the sirens blazing and making a huge amount of noise. She had looked around and realised that Hector was missing. The ship's computer, Azairah, a more competent computer then Holly, but still a few screws loose. Azairah was a female sprite with long curly gold coloured hair, with bright green eyes. She had a mole on her left cheek and wasn't the brightest spark, but could just about manage. Azairah somehow had managed to put a trace on him. To her shock, he was with an unidentified life form, possibly hostile. So she had gone down, bazookoids and everything, to go get Hector. When she entered the room he was said to be in, she found he had organised a surprise birthday party for her. The unidentified life form was the cake. She now had to keep an eye on Hector; he was always up to mischief.

She was now in the cockpit on her own, Hector was making lunch, even thought it was her turn, but he had chased her out with a very scary looking rotten fish found in the back of the fridge. She saw a small blip on the radar. It turned out to be a ship. Her heartbeat accelerated. 'Louis, check the inventory for…' Azairah cut in, 'I know I know, look for the D.N.A. modifier. You ask me this at every ship we come across. Why you still ask I have no idea but you still do. Even that toaster you destroyed would have the sense to stop asking by now.' Camille snapped, 'Do NOT compare me with that devil of an appliance. His personality is exactly why the manufacturers did not include a warranty of any kind. Anyway, last time I didn't ask you, you did no scan whatsoever, told us there was the technology down there and we were nearly killed by that simulant. If Hector didn't have that triple strength bazookoid with him, your IQ would have to be in the negatives.' Louis sighed, 'It's always about Hector isn't it. Hector this, Hector that, oh he's so brave and handsome and smart and infullable he can only be compared with Christ himself.' 'Infallible' Camille corrected. This set Azairah off, 'Oh and I suppose Hector would have known that. He knows everything doesn't he? Well I'm sick of it. I always get ignored. You spend so much time with him, but if you guys are in trouble, you all come crawling to me. I'm the one who has to fix everything around here. I always have to…' Camille sighed. Azairah always went on like this. She just wouldn't shut up. Camille silently reminded herself to fix the crazy computers temper chip. It must have gotten caught in the mainframe and was accelerated, it was the only way to explain it. Camille waited for her to finish, then said, 'Would you please just to the search, it would save everybody some time' 'Fine fine. Sorry about all that, it's just that sometimes I get so mad' 'No smeg Sherlock' Azairah went on regardless of that last comment, 'You know what happens when you compare me to _him. _It just makes me feel so, pathetic. I am supposed to have an IQ of 6000 and yet I can't even remember what colours make purple. Oh and the results of the scan have come in, there is the technology down there' When Camille heard that, she nearly fell off her chair, the only thing stopping her from doing so was the tilt control lever on the chair was jammed so it couldn't move backwards. She leaped up out of her chair and raced to the kitchen to tell Hector the great news. They would finally be human!

She ran down, faster then she had ever gone. She turned corners at the last minute, barely missing crashing into walls. She practically tumbled into the kitchen, breathless and looking quite a mess. When Hector saw this, he thought something was wrong and started panicking. As soon as Camille had caught her breath, she walked up to Hector, grabbed his lips together and said, 'would you just shut up Hector. There's no need to panic. I just came to tell you that…' She didn't finish the sentence because the ship had tilted to the left and was hurtling towards the planet at frightening speeds. They both ran up to the cockpit, desperately clinging to anything to stop themselves from being thrown around the ship like towels in the clothes drier. They managed to slowly and painfully make their way into the cockpit without too much major damage. Everywhere they looked alarms were going off, lights were flashing, and surprisingly, Azairah was reciting passages from MacBeth.

Camille shouted, 'What's going on Azairah? Why is this happening?'

Azairah replied, 'Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.'

Camille just rolled her eyes and tried to control the situation. Still Azairah continued, 'this disease is beyond my practice: yet I have known those which have walked in their sleep who have died holily in their beds.' Hector began pushing buttons, trying desperately to regain some element of control, just enough to steer away from the planet. Soon more sirens began blaring, the planet was now frighteningly close, and it took up most of the screen with its eerie red glow. They were barely seconds away from crashing, Hector yanked at the joystick and the ship pulled into a steep movement where they scraped the surface of the planet with the bottom of the ship. The ripping hull caught on some rocks and the ship was sent tumbling head over heels into the dusty surface, carving a long scar on the surface.

She awoke with a start, seeing the wreckage around her. Her head was screaming abuse at her for mistreating it in such a way, yet no matter what, it wouldn't shut the smeg up. She eventually pulled herself up, and saw Hector, lying lifeless, under the rubble. 'No!' she felt herself being torn apart. Tears welled up in her eyes, streaming endlessly down her face. She dropped down to her feet, hugging the lifeless form, vowing never to let go. She was alone.

Well this was the first chapter, I hope you like it. Please please PLEASE review. I will update, I promise. :)


	2. New life and lifestyle

Chapter 2

Camille had been alone for so long. It had been a year since that terrible day; her only glimmer of hope was of somehow being reunited with Kryten. But what were the chances of that? The prediction was so terribly small; she didn't even want to think the number. She needed a distraction. She absently spun around on the chair, bored and lonely when she suddenly sat up. She realized with shock that she had completely forgotten about the DNA modifier. She cursed her memory for having forgotten something so important. Se immediately began preparations to board; still amazed she had forgotten it for a whole year.

She began the descent, with a limp form in her arms. She had made a promise to make Hector human, and human she would make him, no matter what. She entered the room and nearly fainted at what she saw. A room full of blinking lights, inviting her warmly to join them, encouraging he forward. She lay down the body and connected the computer to Azairah, asking her to solve the code, making sure she would make no mistakes.

After hours of intense working, well, mostly waiting for Camille, but working for Azairah, the code was cracked. Camille familiarized herself with the controls, before moving Hector in the path of where the beam would be. She began typing in the code, egged on by the determination to keep a promise with Hector. A deep voice said, 'New genetic structure accepted. Transmogrification in ten seconds and counting'. _I sure hope this works. _ She watched in awe, as he seemed to glow, his shape completely changing. When the light subsided she saw the body of an angel. He had wavy golden hair, bouncing off his shoulders. He had brilliantly blue eyes that would never see. A perfectly formed mouth that would never kiss, ears that would never hear her say, 'I love you'. He was well muscled, yet tall and willowy. He was perfect. It pained her that he would never even live a second as a god of beauty that he was. She would never see him again. _He's so beautiful! It just isn't fair that you will never know._

She began the journey of moving him to his final resting place. She took him back to their ship, where a paradise of rainforest awaited. She had grown it herself, for him. She had planned it to be perfect. In the center of the room, was a small pond, with a waterfall. But in the middle of that pond was a statue, made entirely of flawless crystal, of two lovers, arm in arm. She placed him in the garden, placed a rose in the hand of the crystal man and left, crying for her lost love. She slowly began her way back to the ship, ready to transform herself.

What she did not know was that on her journey back, a few pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. They bounced on buttons, changing the DNA structure she had keyed in. But she would never realize this. As she returned, she began to type in a few more lines, making sure she would become a woman. As the lights flashed around her, she felt something she had never felt before. Her entire life was changing. When she saw herself, she nearly cried. She was a mechanoid, just like Kryten. _Kryten, such a fond memory you are. But you shall never be more than a memory, what are the chances of being together again._

She moved quietly back to her ship, Staring at her cubed fingers. She felt so trapped, so alone. She had to adapt to so much, an unusual walk, not eating, having to clean when her CPU detected dust. That was the most irritating; she now had little control over herself. This at least kept her busy enough not to wander down the path to depression by distracting her from her loss of Hector.

She found she had developed strange new interests. She developed a love of washing dishes. She had never liked it before, but now she loved it. Ironing, once again a task she liked to leave on Hector, not always succeeding, but now it filled her heart fit to burst. Folding sheets, absolute heaven! Ah, this was what life was about. She felt so happy, yet she knew that there was a hole inside of her that would never be filled. She just wouldn't be rescued this far out, unless it was _them_. She let herself fantasize about meeting into some old friends, some that she wished to be reunited with dearly. The Red Dwarf posse, oh how she dreamed to become one of them. She let herself get carried away but was rudely interrupted by the hazard lights flashing everywhere. She ran to the cockpit in a panic. She saw something hurtling towards her at a frightening speed. It looked like a green asteroid. Wait a minute… Green? No time for questions now. It smashed into the side of the ship, sending fires everywhere. She desperately fought with the controls, until she was finally able to turn on the sprinklers. She gasped when she saw the other ship crashing into the surface, carving another, almost identical scar across the surface. She checked and found out that nothing on her ship was damaged except for the fact that now the ship would not let her out.

She let out a sigh, as she sent an SOS call to the ship. Gently she began to sing to herself.

_Wishing on a dream that seems far off_

_Hoping it will come today_

_Into the starlit night_

_Foolish dreamers turn their gaze_

_Waiting on a shooting star_

_But_

_What if that star is not to come?_

_Will their dreams fade to nothing?_

_When the horizons darkens most_

_We all need to believe there is hope_

_Is an angel watching closely over me?_

_Can there be a guiding light I've yet to see_

_I know my heart should guide me but_

_There's a hole within my soul_

_What will fill this emptiness inside of me?_

_Am I to be satisfied without knowing?_

_I wish is then for a chance to see_

_Now all I need _

_Is my star to come..._

_Kryten, where are you? I want to be with you so badly. You seem to be the only person I know who would understand what I am going through. I hope I will see you again. Please find me._

As these last thoughts entered her mind, her CPU could no longer cope with keeping her awake; she had sustained internal damage that needed to be repaired. So she was switched off, the last thing she remembered was the music to The Copacabana.


	3. reunite and history is made

Chapter 3

The last human alive turned over in his bunk. As a result, he evacuated his bowels of a quite substantial build-up of noxious gases. One particular hard-light hologram flinched, and almost fainted. He did indeed look a little green.

The obnoxious little slime-ball that was known as Lister went on to proudly exclaim that that one was a 'biggie'. Rimmer wished not for the first time that he had a canary in a cage. He didn't even want to talk about the noise. It sounded like a sick trumpeter. Lister then went on to somehow find more of this gas and let it escape. This proved too much for Rimmer. 'Lister! Have you any idea how rude that is? With that one nuclear explosion, you have made me wish that I wasn't a hard-light hologram. At least then I couldn't smell.' Lister just grinned, 'What's wrong with a little bit of natural passing of gases'. Rimmer disgustedly replied, 'what's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?! You could wipe out the dinosaurs with that much poisoning. This could be a scientific breakthrough. How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Lister went back in time and farted, causing the world's first atomic bomb.'

Before Lister could quip, Kryten entered the room, took a tentative sniff and his nose exploded. Rimmer somehow managed to grin and grimace at the same time, 'Oh Listy you have outdone yourself now. Kryten has been in your SOCK BASKET for smegs sake and his nose never did that before. I think we should have this room quarantined. Kryten's guilt chip whirred away as he said, 'I think that may be best for everyone's health sirs. Mr. Lister, I suggest we move you to the spare quarters, at least until the, um, gases have reached a safe background level.' Rimmer was reminded once again of the radiation leak that wiped out the rest of the crew, he was frightened at how similar this situation was. They were interrupted as the Cat came yowling in. He stopped mid-twirl. His nose had quite clearly smelt it. His face went pale and he fainted, somehow landing without messing up his hair. Kryten swiftly took him to the medical bay and Lister moved his things to his new room.

Once Cat was revived, they were all chatting in the cockpit, but just a little more wary of Lister. The conversation was not agreeable for Lister. 'You nearly blew out the windows with that. How can anyone make a smell like that without some kind of turd all over you? It's just disgusting' was just some of Rimmer's ranting. Cat was mesmerized by his reflection and Kryten was, well, doing laundry. What else would you expect Kryten to be doing in his free time? Rimmer was unaware and unhampered by the fact that Lister was paying absolutely no attention whatsoever and was "trimming" his toenails. Rimmer still moaned on, 'I mean really, how are we supposed to get home with you…' Ppphhfffff! Everyone stared at Lister. He went pale, then bright red. Rimmer was about to scream abuse that even the devil himself would flinch at, when… BLEEP! Something appeared on the radar. They all went quiet and stared in disbelief at the radar.

Finally Kryten said, 'It appears that there is a life reading coming from a crashed ship on the moon up ahead. I will run further tests, but I advise we begin to move towards the ship in case someone friendly is badly hurt. If the life reading turns out to be hostile, we can leave or fight with our new weaponry' It was almost comforting that the human race had made new technology that could quite easily destroy simulants. Even more fortunate was the fact that they now actually had it.

Lister grimaced at the thought of another simulant battle but nodded, for the sake of whoever was down there. If it was some poor person trapped on their own, then they would be rescued. If it was a bloodthirsty space-crazed simulant, then it's about time their smegging life ended.

After much checking, and a very terrifying landing, with sparks and fire included, they made their way through the labrynth that was the derelict ship. The only thing that cut through the gloom of the corridors was Kryten's chest light, a single ray of light in the darkness. It was soon joined by three smaller beams, those being torches belonging to the rest of the group. They found what looked like the drive room. They looked around, at awe with the technology. Listers scouse blasted through the quiet, not realising how much it echoed. 'Hey Kryters, do you know the name of this ship yet?' Kryten nodded. 'I belive it was called the Carmella. It was a ship taking some of the first kinds of GELFs. I believe they were…' He looked shocked. 'Pleasure GELFs. This ship carried pleasure GELFs. Is it possible?'

Everyone spun around to see a sillouette with a cube-shaped head. Wait a minute, Square head? They heard a voice from the person standing in the doorway. 'Kryten, is that you?'

'Smeggin' hell!'

'Wholey schmoly!'

'What on Io?'

Kryten was stunned. He felt happiness mode like nothing ever before. He smiled, 'I've missed you Camille'

For the first time in history, mechanoids kissed.


	4. Missing

Chapter 4

Kryten and Camille had spent a lot of time catching up. Well, at first Kryten wanted to do his regular duties instead, but Lister ordered him to, Kryten wasn't too upset about it though. If Lister knew any better he would say that Kryten enjoyed it, and that would be right.

They shared duties now. Lister had never seen Kryten so happy, when he was folding sheets with Camille. They were perfect for each other. They loved ironing together. But soon she would find out the other part of their lives.

She was shocked out of an in-depth conversation with Kryten by a giant crash rocking the entire ship. They were both knocked off their feet and were sent flying across the bay. They heard a loud siren coming from Holly. 'Emergency, emergency. There's an emergency happening'. She paused for a minute. 'It's still happening. Emergency, emergency'. Camille looked confused. 'What's happening? Why are there sirens going off?' Kryten replied quickly, 'This is a regular happening in this ship. We need to make our way to the cockpit to find out what is going on.' She nodded and they both left their laundry to go to the cockpit.

When they entered, it was total chaos. Rimmer was screaming in fear as he cowered under a table. Lister was battling a blaze that was alarmingly close to engulfing the entire control system. Cat was yowling as he desperately tried to gain even a small amount of control. Kryten and Camille gasped as they saw why. The ship was spiralling towards a planet.

Kryten went to his post, examining data as it came in torrents. Camille didn't know what to do, so she grabbed an extinguisher and assisted Lister, giving him the edge to win. 'Thanks Camille, I owe ya one.' He gave her a brief grin before it was turned to a grimace. Cabin temperature was rising. They had entered the atmosphere of the planet. The ship greatly accelerated as the pull of gravity kicked in. Cat was now screaming as he yanked wildly at the joystick. Camille screamed and clung to Kryten, unsure of what was happening.

At the last minute, Cat finally got manual control and pulled into a steep dive that no one was prepared for. They started sliding around as the ship pointed upwards. Only Cat was holding on, he was still fighting the controls. They realised that they weren't going to make it. They all screamed as the ship crashed along the surface, smashing everything in its path. They saw the long scar it carved on the surface of the planet.

Everyone pulled themselves up as soon as the ship stopped shaking. Camille looked quite scared. Kryten said, 'Well as far as crashes go, that wasn't too bad. Minor damage, easily fixed by auto repair. Nobody injured and minimum mess'. He saw the nods of agreement around him, but Camille was too scared to talk at that time. Kryten noticed something wrong. 'Oh wait. The damage report machine was frozen, that's why it said it was all ok. Apparently there is a massive hole in the hull, the oxygeneration unit is dead and the roof may collapse at any moment'. Lister sighed. He knew it was too good to be true.

***

Lister began dragging out supplies. Kryten and Camille were setting up a campsite, on what thankfully was a planet with a breathable atmosphere. They were putting up several tents and setting up sleeping bags for everyone who needed sleep. Cat, Lister and Rimmer were bringing out as many supplies as possible. Rimmer's hard-light drive was on, and at full power because the ship couldn't use its power for anything else. Cat and Lister were dragging out water tanks, because water was more important to get lots of and it was harder to pull by yourself. Rimmer was gathering food, and he wasn't doing too badly. Basically he didn't try to worm his way out of doing it because Kryten had successfully lied to him saying that the food decks were stable. This was not the case. Camille went in to find some WD40 for herself and Kryten, when the roof groaned and started sagging. Everyone froze as they saw the roof sag and heard the moaning metal. Kryten dashed in to find Camille, pulling her out just in time. The roof gave way and collapsed, now no more supplies could be gotten easily.

They began to make a list of supplies. To Lister's horror, Rimmer had gotten no curry or poppadums or even lager. It was fruit and vegetables. Grain and some meat. Lister pulled out a laser and tried to cut his way in. Kryten yelled, 'Mr Lister! Please don't do that! We need what little charge we have in those lasers. Their may be hostile GELF's living on this planet. Lister grudgingly put down the laser and went to bed.

During the night, Lister had nightmares. He saw everyone's faces all terrified. He saw twisted lumps of metal. He saw Camille with long scars down her plastic face. He heard a woman scream and claws on metal. He saw a look of hopelessness on Kryten's face before it faded and he landed in a room with no doors. It was painted stripes of blood red and an oily black-brown colour. He saw all sorts of torture items. He saw the twisted grin of simulants and then he saw Rimmer alone in the corner of the room. Covered in blood. The last thing he saw was some breadcrumbs.

Lister screamed as he woke up. He heard screams from everyone else. He jumped out and met up with the others. Lister said, 'I just had the worst nightmare'. Everyone said the same thing. They had all have the same nightmare. The most vivid image was of Camille with long scars down her face. Rimmer spoke up, 'Where is Camille by the way?' They all looked shocked. Everybody ran to the tent where she was on downtime. Her tent had been ravaged. It was a mess. There was broken chairs, spare parts everywhere. Most noticeable was that she was not there. They found a small scrap of metal. When cat sniffed it, he confirmed the scent of WD40. Her fragrance. There was a message carved under the metal. Come get her or she is scrap metal. Cat picked up another scent. It was millennium oxide. The smell of simulants. Kryten looked concerned. 'The simulants have her. They may want humans in return.' They knew that Kryten would never let them trade, but it tore himself apart thinking of what was happening to Camille. Then Lister had an idea. 'We aren't going to trade. We're going to break her out. No matter what is in our way.' Rimmer spoke in falsetto, 'But what about simulants? They are designed to hunt and kill HUMANS!' Cat spoke up with an idea. 'They use smell like me, so all we need to do is find GELF and copy its scent to mask ourselves.' They now had a plan.


	5. Fears and Salvation

Chapter 5

The first thing she noticed was that it was dark. Generally, if you've been the robot equivalent of unconscious, waking up in a dark room is not a good thing. It makes the whole situation much scarier. It fills you with dread not knowing what may be a few feet away from you. Also it seems that more horrible things happen at night. That was not good.

The second thing she realised was that she was somewhere she had never been before. This was also not a good thing. She had no idea where she was, or more importantly, why she was there. She also didn't know who had moved her there. Her anxiety and fear chip were in overdrive. Her fear chip had melted already but her backup was operational, and she had wisely turned it down to minimum.

The third thing she noticed was that she was alone. Even when she turned on her infra-red vision, she couldn't see anyone. This wasn't good. Either she had been abandoned somewhere remote, or, it was suuuhhhhhh. It was suuuhhhhhh. It was simulants. Simulants didn't register on an infrared scan, a precaution used by their designers to make them better warriors. Their designers were idiots.

She heard a door opening. She squinted as the light almost blinded her. That was odd, the lighting had been turned up. Normal light, even if she had been in the dark a long time, normally it wouldn't make it harder to see. She saw a figure walking towards her. She saw metallic teeth glisten menacingly towards her in a fearsome grin. She screamed and felt an electric shock down her back. It flipped her turn-off system.

***

The Cat stealthily made his way across an open field. He had a large backpack and a utility belt on, but made no sound. He moved swiftly and silently towards a GELF colony. He did a few commando rolls into the bushes just in case any lady cats were watching, and slid his backpack off, satisfied that he had looked gorgeous on his little expedition. His walkie-talkie crackled into life as Lister contacted him. 'Have you reached the hill yet man?' The Cat sighed, 'Yeah bud, and boy did you miss a show seeing me get there. I looked so hot; I'd need a drink of molten steel to cool off. Yeowww!' Lister interrupted his thoughts. 'Well you had better set up the equipment soon, we need the data pronto.' The Cat sighed again. Humans had no appreciation for the truly stunning lookers in this world. They never realised the importance of his beauty products. He grudgingly set up a small camera onto a nearby tree. He flicked a small switch. To hide the light, which indicated it was on, the Cat suggested using Sellotape over it. It seemed clever until Lister pointed out that Sellotape was transparent. So they settled with duct tape. Cat grinned into the camera, 'I hope you can pick this up, otherwise you are missing an award-winning smile. Usually worth £20 but yours for free.' Rimmer laughed humourlessly. 'Well tempting as that offer is we really need to get on with the job at hand. Just get back here now.'

Cat returned and they began to watch. They made several observations, 1: There were no guards. 2: Daylight never seemed to come on this moon. 3: They were very close to a GELF settlement. This all made things difficult. Then they noticed a simulant. Not just any simulant, a BIG one. It must have been 20 feet tall. It carried a large sword with it, but it was more like a giant meat cleaver. Kryten ran through his databases. He came up with some info. 'This is not a true simulant' everyone gasped. 'It is not nearly as indestructible, it isn't as good a survivor, and it also has a sense of mercy. The manufacturers never mentioned this to make them look scarier and were used in wars to take over Earth. However it was soon discovered that they had a very weak spot. Apparently, they have a power switch concealed somewhere. To turn it off, all you would have to do is find that spot.' Everyone groaned. Rimmer said, 'Doesn't your database say where this weak spot is?'. 'I'm afraid not sir. But it does say that they have a good sense of humour. You could save yourself by telling a really good joke and running when it was doubled over with laughter. There are people who have successfully done it before.'

Everyone was still watching through the camera. They had recently installed the audio so now they could hear. Everyone was shocked when a piece of duct tape fell off the light. It was too risky to go there and put it back, there were many more GELF's around. One afternoon, another simulant came out, AND IT NOTICED THE LIGHT ON THE CAMERA!!! It came over, grinned into the lens and began to speak. 'Well hello there. Let me guess, you are looking for the one called Camille. Well I highly doubt that you will find her. Our boss has her well hidden. But if you follow the trail of breadcrumbs, you never know.' He grinned his parody of a grin, with razor sharp metal teeth, into the screen then lifted his sword. It was about to swing down when the simulant said, 'I'm coming for you, see you in silicon hell!' The sword seemed to move in slow motion as it smashed into the camera and the screen went black.

***

Camille was scared. Well, that much was obvious. She was alone, in the dark and hurt. She moved her hand across her plastic face and felt where it had been ripped up and torn. She felt a twitch in her leg where the wires had been pulled out and left bare. She had spent part of this time gently putting the wires back in place. It was all she could do to distract herself from the icy fear that filled her heart. Her biggest worry was that her batteries would run out. This was why mechanoids needed downtime. She could quite clearly see on the readout that her batteries had about one hour left. She looked around and had an idea. She unscrewed the dim light bulb, and gently tugged one of the wires. She brought it down, as it was still attached to the ceiling. She carefully inserted it into her recharge socket and sighed with relief as she found it was of sufficient enough power to charge her batteries. When she was done, she screwed the bulb back in place very carefully. There was no point in blowing her one way of surviving by letting these simulants see the power source, now was there? She began to shut herself down for the night, not wanting to waste her batteries by staying up all night. Who knows when she would next get the chance to recharge. As it turns out, it would be quite a while.


	6. Hope and Crossed blades

Chapter 6

Sorry it's been a while… kept forgetting to put in disclaimers. Well, I don't own Red Dwarf or any of the characters. If I did I wouldn't be writing a disclaimer in the first place now would I?

Lister, Kryten, Rimmer and Cat began what looked like a terrorist raid. They wore black and carried many tools. They were planning a dangerous mission. So dangerous, one mistake would cost everyone's lives, including Camille. They just had to get this right.

***

Kryten was in anxiety overdrive, not because of what they were doing, but of how long Camille had been gone. He missed her so much; it was like a very important part of him was missing. He often nearly forgot to recharge, he barely spoke. Worst of all, he was falling behind in the laundry. This was a surprise for everyone. He loved doing the laundry so much, he often finished early and decided to wash it again. The others had held a secret meeting while he was on downtime, and had decided on a very risky plan. Lister had thought of it, it was genius, and was very risky. Lister began to explain.

'Ok guys, this is our plan. First of all, we make GELF costumes. They will do very little on there own, but it will be necessary. Secondly, we need to establish a map, so we have a vague idea of where we are going to rescue her. Thirdly, and this is the hardest bit, we need a live GELF. This is a problem all on its own.

The GELF's greatest skill is their smell. And no I don't mean what they actually smell like. Like the Cat, they can tell what they are dealing with, just by smelling the air around them. They distinguish each other by smell. This is our biggest obstacle because we have to get past hundreds of GELF's to get to the Simulant ship. The only way, is to copy the scent of a GELF. The only GELF we can use, has to be a patrol guard.

The patrol guards keep a perimeter around the Simulant ship because they believe the Simulant to be their saviour from the Northern GELF tribe. They guard him with their lives. They always move in group of at least twenty. And I mean ALWAYS. Even to the bog. This makes getting the GELF even harder. But that isn't our biggest obstacle. The thing is, we can't actually kill the GELF. It makes them produce a very particular smell. So we cannot kill it. The reason it must be a guard GELF is because they fit in better with a GELF with a similar smell. We have to copy the smell of a guard, and wash ourselves with it for about a day before we completely smell like a GELF. My plan to get a live GELF is to go to one of the camps, used concentrated chloroform to knock it out, and keep it in the 'bug. But I know how to make it easier.

In one particular guard camp, there is a young GELF with morphing abilities, but it mostly takes the shape of a human. The reason so is because if they find intruders, they are lulled into a false security by the supposed human, who takes the human to a "safe place". Once there, the human finds the simulant and is killed. It is a very respected GELF and is one of the only GELF's with their own quarters, rather than sharing a dormitory. So if we get that GELF, then we are good to go.' Lister leaned back in his chair and smiled, as he saw the dumbfounded and impressed expressions. 'So are you guys in?' He looked around to nods.

***

They were moving through the woods, just on the outskirts of the GELF colony. They watched the many huge tents, amazed that twenty GELF's fit in each. As they moved south, they saw a log cabin. It was in a deserted place, apparently the GELF had claimed it needed space to practice and keep everyone safe. They began the decent as soon as a candle in the window was blown out. Kryten was given the task of picking the lock of the window. As they reached the window, one tap showed it was left unlocked. They pushed it open and it let out the most nerve-racking creak. They all slipped in. They almost gasped in shock at what they saw.

The scanner revealed the GELF was a little girl. Kryten lifted the psi-scan. 'She appears to be human, with her DNA altered to let her morph. She is about 12 years old.' As he said that, she walked in, wearing a long nightdress and holding a candle aloft. She had a look of shock on her face. But the others stared at her. She was incredibly beautiful. She had ivory skin like a doll, with pink cheeks. Her hair was gold, falling down her back in ripples down to her lower back. Her small lean body was perfect in every way. There wasn't a single freckle, mole or blemish. Her eyes were a mesmerizing brilliant emerald green. She was picturesque.

She shook her head and they watched in awe as the ripples of gold caught the light from the candle. She then spoke in a voice like birdsong, 'What are you doing here humans? And why have you broken into my room?' Her innocent voice made them feel guilty for breaking in. Then Kryten nudged them, and it felt like they all came out of a trance. It must be how she stopped threats, with some form of hypnosis.

Lister was the first to speak, 'We need your help to rescue a dear friend of ours. We need your DNA to get past the GELF's. It is very important to us'. She blinked as she registered what they had said. 'Are you suggesting that I betray my own kind? I would never do that!' Lister argued, 'But your kind are threatening a friend, they are guarding a lying simulant! That simulant may kill her!' She shouted, 'Lies! You lie about our saviour! He would never do such a thing, and he saved my life. I owe my life to him, and I shall not betray the trust he has bestowed on me!'. The others soon realised they were losing the battle. Now they had to play dirty. The Cat pulled out a magnificent sword and performed an amazing display of fencing before swinging the blade alarmingly close to her throat. She didn't even blink. She nimbly stepped to the side and pulled an equally dazzling sword from her dresser top. She twirled it round, letting it catch the light.

So began the most dangerous duel they had ever faced. It was clear she was a very experienced swordswoman. She held herself confidently, but gentle in a way. She saw from his stance that he was very vain and cared about fashion. So she cruelly sliced her sword through The material of his black felt jacket. He almost screamed as though the sword had hit his heart. Everyone seemed to see it in slow motion as Cat almost roared in anger and swung at her face, the blade biting into her rosy cheek. She gasped as the air stung the slice. She dabbed her finger at her face, drawing her finger away as she saw the blood oozing from the wound. They began fighting at a rapid pace. The sound of metal on metal rang through the night, their thrusts and parry's becoming more laboured. The Cat was now gasping for breath, the only other obvious sign was the slash across the jacket. She was different. Slashes peppered her arms. The Cat saw her slow down for just a moment, but that was enough. He swung the sword at her left ankle, causing a wet cracking sound. Her screams of agony filled the air. They saw her fall to the ground, but Kryten caught her and held her up. He had a pained look on his face. Apologies spilt from his mouth like water in his hands. She moaned from the pain. A quick look from Kryten showed that the blade had gone straight through her bone. It was a deep slash. Her face was very pale; she was suffering blood loss. She fainted in Kryten's arms. They carried her back to the 'bug, nobody in the GELF village even had a clue what had happened. Nor would they know for a long time.

***

She slowly awoke only aware of one thing; her ankle hurt like crazy. She tried to whimper, but her throat was too dry. A small squeal escaped and the one with the funny shaped head came in to her. He spoke softly with an unusual singsong accent. 'Please do not be alarmed miss. We will not hurt you'. He seemed to know about her throat and offered her a notepad. She wrote, "Then why did you hurt me last night?" He replied, 'I did not hurt you. The others felt it was necessary to be able to rescue a friend' She wrote, "But why use such violent measures against a young girl like me?" The funny-head-man started talking fast and high pitched. He was upset. 'Well, we, uhh, Oh I don't know why they saw it necessary! That was unplanned! Please forgive me!' She silenced him with a hand gesture. She scribbled, "You did nothing wrong, why do you need to be forgiven for something you didn't do?" He just blubbered on, unaware of her sympathy towards this nervous wreck. She gently put a hand on his arm, and managed to whisper, 'It wasn't your fault!' He thanked her for her understanding and went out to get her some water and painkillers. She laid back and felt a twinge in her arm. She looked down, and to her horror, there was a large, menacing looking needle stuck in her arm. Her greatest fear was needles, she absolutely hated them. She looked around and saw a red flask near the bench. Her stomach loped around when she realised the truth; they had taken her DNA without her consent.


End file.
